calm_soul | searching in all the wrong places

Celegorm can be terrifying, when he's angry.

Celegorm: *stalks down the street in a haze of rage* *&%$%^!!

Maglor: *raises an eyebrow, wonders if that how -she- looks when she gets pissed* Tyelkormo!

Celegorm: *stops and turns sharply* What?!

Maglor: Do I need to dump you in one of these fountains?

Celegorm: *growls* It would be a welcome change from the shitstorm that is currently dumping on me. *stomps over in a huff*

Maglor: Welcome to Gondolin. *pats the spot next to her* I have no idea how Russa manages to stay so calm here.

Celegorm: Our cousin needs to reign this place in. It's out of control. *scowls* And to think, I can't even exact retribution for the death of my brothers.

Maglor: Ah, you mean the girl. *tilts her head* Don't you think they would want their own retribution, when they return?

Celegorm: I suppose...but who knows when that will be, and justice needs to be served now. *sighs* At least she's marked as a murderer. That's some modicum of vengeance.

Maglor: ...what did you do to her?

Celegorm: She now wears the scarlet letter of a murderer on her left shoulder.

Maglor: Ah. *tugs at her shirt, revealing her shoulder* Mark me, too, then. I've killed as many, if you don't count the crimes of war, but unlike her I feel no remorse and would kill again.

Celegorm: *glares at her* You can't tell me that you don't want revenge, too. Not when you said to my face only a few nights ago that you'd gladly kill her.

Maglor: *firmly* All murderers deserve to die.

Celegorm: All murderers must pay the price for their crimes.

Maglor: Even those who commit the crimes for reasons of honour and oaths.

Celegorm: *snorts* Why the sudden change of heart, sister? I don't seem to recall any hesitation on your part when the oath was sworn. Now, suddenly, you've found a conscience?

Maglor: Suddenly? No, brother. Russa and I have had many private conversations about our reservations. However it would not look good to defame ada by showing it publicly. I love him that much, at least.

Celegorm: *rises, somewhat disgusted* At least you are showing him that much respect.

Maglor: I am a musician, not a hunter or warrior. I fight and kill only for the honour of our family. No one seems to understand that. *rises as well, setting the lute aside*

Celegorm: I understand that you say in one breath that you fight and kill to honor the family and in the next one say that you find it repulsive. Which is it? I, for one, am sworn to the family.

Maglor: I fight even though it disgusts me because I will suffer no dishonour to our line. Is that so hard for you to comprehend?

Celegorm: *sighs* I suppose not. There is a lot that I don't understand, here, namely our father's motivation.

Maglor: He's been dead. He understands what that means better than we can. I suspect it gives him reason to value life more. I think it's similar to the way I want to kiss Russa's hand each time I see that it is no longer missing.

Celegorm: Maybe I'll have to die before I can know...so I'll content myself with the knowledge that I can and will find justice on my own, with or without his support. *shakes his head*

Maglor: Remember your history lessons, before deciding what justice is appropriate. *gently kisses his cheek* Until then, may I offer you a different outlet for your anger?

Celegorm: *grumps* Depends on what it is.

Maglor: We are going to get you drunk. Very drunk. Now the question is, do I take you to a pub or somewhere private?

Celegorm: I don't care. Surprise me.

Maglor: Come to my house. *tugs on his hand* Lio and Lit are out, and I have several bottles of the best wine to be found in this city. I've also got some rum, still.

Celegorm: ...K...*follows, hoping there are some things he can break*

It has occurred to me that I can be much the same. When you become so irrational, so unnecessarily dangerous... *shakes her head* Why does it have to be this that causes me to finally start to say what Lio, Russa, and adar have all been telling me. There is a difference between just anger and an intolerant one like this. I fear what else he has done to the poor girl.

I do find, though, at least part of myself wishing he'd been here for my own murderous adventures. Would he have given me the death I deserved? And I will say to any of my brothers, should they ask, that those who dare to kill the child without first killing me are hypocrites. I deserve death as much, if not more, than this child. I do not regret the lives I took, in fact, I would possibly do it again, if I thought it might help something. (Alas, I don't. Turu just got worse last time and I don't want to risk that again.)

So many thoughts circulating through my head, but I don't want to wake Lio. He'll have to be up and off to work soon enough, anyway. I should try and figure out what I want to say before trying to say it. *heads out for a walk...*

Fingolfin: *leaning against the eastern edge of the city wall, watching the sunrise*

Maglor: *walking along the wall, trying to get her head straight*

Fingolfin: Kanafinwe. *doesn't look over as he speaks* Good morning. It's unusual to see you out here at this time.

Maglor: No, not usually. *shrugs and moves to stand next to him, looking out over the valley* But I knew I could find you here.

Fingolfin: You came to find me? Now I know there is something amiss.

Maglor: I'm sorry, uncle. I just... I really don't feel I can talk to my ada right now.

Fingolfin: So why not your brother, or your fiancée, or Turukano, even?

Maglor: *shakes her head* I don't really trust Turu anymore, Russa has too much going on, and I need to figure out my own head before talking to Lio.

Fingolfin: *raises an eyebrow*

Maglor: Why did you let me live, when I killed your son and Finrod? *holding her wrist out, studying it and gently running the nails of her other hand over it* I deserved.

Fingolfin: It was clear that you were disturbed at the time. And you were pregnant. No one in his right mind would take the life of an unborn child.

Maglor: And how about now? Why has no one yet claimed my life?

Fingolfin: It would serve no purpose. My line is not so vengeful as yours. What point would it prove to hold a grudge so long? That I am bitter and angry? No. Besides, I understand that you and Turukano had an arrangement concerning proper punishment.

Maglor: *small nod* As far as he's concerned, my crimes are paid for.

Fingolfin: So consider them paid and let them go, child. You have a life to live now. A child, and soon a marriage.

Maglor: Yeah... *sigh*

Fingolfin: *quirks that eyebrow again* This displeases you?

Maglor: Hmmn? No. *turns to look at him* I'm happy, I'm just worried. How does one make a relationship last like you and aunt An, instead of falling apart like my parents?

Fingolfin: It's two very simple things. Love and trust. But you need both. No relationship can last for long on just one.

Maglor: Oh. *more worried now, how can Lio trust her? does she trust him enough?* I'll try to remember that.

Fingolfin: I suspect you should talk to him about your worries.

Maglor: I have. I just can't seem to get past this fear of losing him.

Fingolfin: If you keep fearing it, you know, you will drive him away in the end.

Maglor: Lio's said something along those lines, too.

Fingolfin: The fear comes from a doubt, from some seed of mistrust. You have to let that go.

Maglor: I don't know if I can.

Fingolfin: Than you will lose him. Simple as that.

Maglor: *shakes her head, has paled considerably at the thought* No.

Fingolfin: You know Lio has never been anything less that honest and dedicated, for all of his life.

Maglor: I do know, yes. It's myself I don't trust. I'm too temperamental, too unpredictable. Even for myself. I never know when I'll suddenly get angry or if I'll suddenly decide to try and rid the world of a monster like me.

Fingolfin: You've done fine, since you've had your child. And you've grown a lot as a person. *turns to her, putting a hand on her cheek* Give yourself some credit, Kanafinwe, you're becoming more like your old gentle self again, only better. Stronger. Take the best parts of everything you've been and keep them.

Maglor: *slow nod* I'll try, uncle, thank you.

Fingolfin: And try to solve your fight with your adar. I know it must be hard on him.

Maglor: I may have to, if I want or not, for Gai.

Fingolfin: *confused* Oh?

Maglor: Lio and I are talking about adopting her.

Fingolfin: You would adopt the child who killed your brothers?

Maglor: We killed her first. And she -is- a child. Can she be held responsible the same way you or I can? She needs someone to teach her properly. I think Lio would be ideal.

Fingolfin: You have a lot to teach a child, as well.

Maglor: Perhaps. *shrugs*

Fingolfin: You discredit all those who love you when you discredit yourself.

Maglor: No, the shame is all mine. But thank you, uncle. I will think on what you've said. *kisses his cheek and quickly takes her leave, not wanting to deal with any more of her uncle's "truths"*

Fingolfin: *annoyed, but lets her go - she's not his kid, after all*