calm_soul

No. ### 2234243

Patient Admittance Form ### Asylum du Mal Idées

GIVEN NAME ###	Kanafinwë Makalaurë, called Kana or Maglor
AGE AND SEX ###	claims to have stopped counting at 3000?
SPECIES ###	Noldor (aka Gnomish) Elf
ORIGIN ###	Valinor via Gondolin
FAMILY ###	6 brothers; "son" of Feanor and Nerdanel; two half uncles and many cousins; engaged? to one Ecthelion, with one genetic daughter (Litsewen Ciryafinwe)
OCCUPATION ###	minstrel, teacher
FORM OF INSANITY ###	extreme narcissism, delusional psychosis, gender identity confusion
SUPPOSED CAUSE ###	chemical, likely hereditary
INDICATIVE FACTORS ###	insists on having male descriptors used, highly aggitated, screaming, accusations of plots, much slander against family members
DANGEROUS TO OTHERS ###	very
DANGEROUS TO SELF ###	very
DESTRUCTIVE TO PROPERTY ###	yes
STATE OF BODILY HEALTH ###	evidence of self-harm in the form of (healed) nail marks on the arms, and several scars obviously from bladed weapons
IDENTIFYING FEATURES (IF ANY) ###	large scar on hip

No. NO! Why is it that the moment things start finally going well again, something has to go wrong?

Gondolindrim? All posts previous to this date. Everything that comes after this is her time in the Asylum.

asylum_du_mal_idees

*drops off two parcels at her father's house: one for him and one for Gaiala but doesn't leave any sort of note or anything, just the boxes wrapped in brown paper*

Maglor: *still sitting on the bed where she found herself when she woke - clearly Turu's "special" room - her knees pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped about them and her attention focused entirely on the rain hitting the window*

Haldir: *knocks on the door, and it swings open* Turgon? The guards told me I could come in...( *wanders around until he finds Maglor on the bed and freezes* )

Current Mood: uncomfortable

(( Imagine this level of destruction... only done to her music room... ))

It's been a bit of a rough day. I just couldn't handle it ~~which is why most of my music room is in pieces~~ so I had to ( head outside. ) I went for a very long walk. I just... I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go, right now, but I know I can't go home yet. Maybe I'll just walk all night.

Current Mood: crushed

Celegorm can be terrifying, ( when he's angry. ) It has occurred to me that I can be much the same. When you become so irrational, so unnecessarily dangerous... *shakes her head* Why does it have to be this that causes me to finally start to say what Lio, Russa, and adar have all been telling me. There is a difference between just anger and an intolerant one like this. I fear what else he has done to the poor girl.

I do find, though, at least part of myself wishing he'd been here for my own murderous adventures. Would he have given me the death I deserved? And I will say to any of my brothers, should they ask, that those who dare to kill the child without first killing me are hypocrites. I deserve death as much, if not more, than this child. I do not regret the lives I took, in fact, I would possibly do it again, if I thought it might help something. (Alas, I don't. Turu just got worse last time and I don't want to risk that again.)

So many thoughts circulating through my head, but I don't want to wake Lio. He'll have to be up and off to work soon enough, anyway. I should try and figure out what I want to say before trying to say it. ( *heads out for a walk...* )

Current Mood: frustrated

Litsewen: *is digging in nana's flower bed, mostly just making a mess*

Ecthelion: *smiles, watching her* You taking up gardening, Lit?

Litsewen: *nods, tossing another handful of dirt aside*

Maglor: *looking around the house for Lio( and notices them outside* )

Current Mood: pensive

My morning practice was ( interrupted by an odd conversation. ) I suppose if I truly didn't welcome interruptions, I would stop playing outside. As it is, I think things have turned out well enough.

I believe Lio would be very happy with this idea, but I must ask him. And I hope that he and Russa would be glad with me for taking these steps down the road to forgiveness. It is not easy, but sometimes you must take the hard path for the sake of those you love.

Current Mood: calm

You know, I should have realized that Turgon would try and get me to run some events for him after I agreed to play his show. I managed to resist his many "charms" though.

So, as soon as this feast of his is over, I'll be playing. I haven't done a show like this in a while. Hopefully the crowd will be good.

*prepares self to preform, making sure harp is tuned, et al, and then waits quietly on the stage with it rehearsing quietly to herself until it's time*

*once the show finally starts and the curtains parted, she starts playing a mix of her best known songs and her most recent work - including a special love song she's written especially for Lio (which she introduces as such) - as well as some traditional songs for the festival*

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: my harp and my voice

( A short discussion with Lio and ) I feel much better about my decision. So I took the potion first thing this morning, as soon as he and Lit went out for the day. I asked for a horse at the stables and have been out riding most of today, as much so I wouldn't have to see anyone as to not be seen.

Being in my old body... it's like coming home, almost, but... hmmn...

Current Mood: pensive

Maglor: Thanks again for watching her, Glor. *smiles and waves before picking Lit up to carry her against her hip as they leave his bakery* Since we're here, let's go find something nice for ada at one of the market stalls, princess.

Litsewen: *nods and rests against nana*

Celegorm: *wanders into the market with a small list and a sketchy plan for dinner. spies an eggplant and wonders what to do with it* Hmm...do I boil it? *spies someone who looks oddly familiar* ( Huh...is that... )

Current Mood: confused

Why must cousins be ( so Eru-damned annoying? ) I swear, Turgon becomes more insufferable every time I see him.

Current Mood: annoyed

I've been thinking. A dangerous pastime, I know, but I've been mulling over my last conversation with Russa. I need to fight all this rage that's been controlling me so that I can be myself again. Man or woman, I am still Kanafinwe Makalaure.

We, Lio and I, ( went to see adar and bring Gaiala her things back. It ) went much better than I thought it might. Biting down my anger seems to be the key idea, but now I have so much of it left to deal with on my own. Perhaps I should go find someone to swing a sword at for a while?

And I still want my day as a man, again. I've been putting it off since things have been so stressful for Lio, but it's something I really want to do for myself. I need to. I wonder if anyone could understand that?

Current Mood: blah

( I'm worried about Lio. ) He seems so distressed over this. Not that I blame him, considering, but... agh! This is all becoming infuriating. Blood should be paid for blood. Murderers deserve to die, especially those of us who are likely to repeat our crimes. And though the wounds of war can be fierce, they really aren't the same as intentionally going out to kill someone. I would know.

She may have a right to her anger, but so do I. I feel I will be overruled on all sides, though. Probably only my dead brothers would agree with me now. *sighs* I will simply have to bury this rage in order to take care of more important things. Namely, my Lio. I'll be watching him carefully.

It seems I'm once more forced to play the strong one. Put a sword in my hand and a song on my tongue, I'm ready to run.

Current Mood: cynical

Maglor: *working in her workshop, humming to herself*

Gaiala: *brings in a drink for Maglor on Lio's suggestion*

Maglor: *looks up* [Thank you.]

Gaiala: ( [You're welcome.] )

That was an unexpectedly pleasant interruption. But there are other things I need to think about, now...

Current Mood: busy

I went, this morning, to Curufin's house with Lit. We worked together to make sure everything was clean and tidy. And we left for him on the counter a bottle of the wine he seems to like and four glasses I had an artisan make for him. I miss Curu. I really do. I wonder if when he'll be returned to us?

After we finished, we went to return the key and ended up having quite the adventure, running into the twins and their little twins. That was somewhat odd.

We still had quite a lot of afternoon left when we left, more than I'd realized, so I decided to drop Lit off with Glorfindel for the baking lessons he promised her and then go ( visit Lio at his office. )

(( unedited, NSFW-style R-rated chat can be found here, for the curious ))

Current Mood: happy

Litsewen: *presents Lio a picture of a deer she drew*

Ecthelion: *takes it* Thank you, sweetie. *looks it over* A deer, hmm.

Litsewen: *nods and points at him*

Ecthelion: You're giving it to me?

Litsewen: *smiles and hugs him*

Ecthelion: *cuddles and kisses her*

Litsewen: *snuggles*

Ecthelion: ( Where's your nana, sweetie? )

Current Mood: happy

Why is it when I try to make things happen that something gets in the way? Or is it that I misread things completely? Perhaps there is more validity to those accusations of madness than I have given. Oh, I play the part at times, but I've never thought myself to be as fully mad as they say. Just a little crazy when I'm angry. Alas.

My life, in result, seems to circulate around children instead of what I wish it to. It's so odd. Still, I felt I should check on my dear nephew. Though I do trust him in my brothers' hands, I still feel it's my responsibility to make certain he is doing well. So, I ( went to visit Tyelpe. ) He does seem well, doesn't he? All things considered, I feel he'll make a full recovery soon. That's one thing off my mind. Too bad there's still so many others. I think, perhaps, I'll take some quiet time for myself, this afternoon, maybe ( do some writing. )

Current Mood: pensive

Maglor: *wakes up from a bad dream and reaches her arm out, finding herself alone in bed, sighs* Ecthelion, where in Varda's name are you now?

Ecthelion: *working at his desk*

Maglor: *goes to find him, dressed only in a shirt* Oh, Lio. *looking in on him* I know this is important, but so is your rest.

Ecthelion: *looks up at her, smiling tiredly* I just got some of the reports back that I needed....

Maglor: No more. *goes over, taking the papers out of his hands and setting them aside* You've been working so hard. ( Your mind needs to rest. )

...and, of course, come morning he's off working again. I have needs! Needs involving more cuddling and sleeping in and less empty beds. *pouts, sighs* But he has needs, too. Needs that I can work toward filling by speaking with Glorfindel and my uncle.

Current Mood: awake

I suppose Lio was correct in saying I should have kept away. I don't know if I'd have been able to explain what happened to our Lit, otherwise, but I feel that I am only in the way now that I'm back. I constantly wish him to be spending time with me when he has to work. I'm serving little purpose than that of distraction and burden. I hate being either.

Litsewen, at least, is something to preoccupy me. She has a thirst for knowledge that seems well beyond the age she appears to be. She knows already how to read, so she and I have been working through many history texts together so she can increase her skill and knowledge. I have also started teaching her rudimentary music, though she does seem to know much of that too, as I work in my spare time (usually while she's napping) to finish that harpsichord I was making for her. I wish I'd gotten further before we'd left. These take weeks to make. Then again, I wasn't expecting her to need it so soon.

I suppose, as well, it's time I let family know we're back. They need to see her growth. I think I'll ( start with Russa. )

Current Mood: discontent

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