(no subject)

[calm_soul]

Maglor: *has noticed the house is far too quiet, so goes to look for Lio and Lit*

Ecthelion: *is sitting on the floor of Lit's bedroom, playing with her*

Litsewen: *showing ada her doll from grandmother, trying to get him to brush her hair*

Maglor: *looks in on them and smiles* There are my beauties...

Ecthelion: *obediently brushes the doll's hair* What's her name, sweetheart? *looks up* Hey, babe.

Litsewen: *shrugs, hasn't named the doll yet, smiles up at nana*

Maglor: And what are you two up to?

Ecthelion: *smiles* We're playing.

Maglor: I see this. *moves to sit near them* With the doll my nana gave you?

Litsewen: *nods*

Ecthelion: It's a very nice doll. *continues brushing the doll's hair, grinning*

Litsewen: *moves to take the brush from ada, but lets him keep the doll*

Maglor: She looks a little like me, or maybe like how Lit will look when she's bigger.

Ecthelion: *grins* Oh, THAT'S who she looks like.

Maglor: *rolls her eyes* Don't give me that.

Litsewen: *moves to brush ada's hair now that she's stolen the brush back*

Ecthelion: Oh, thank you, Lit. My hair was very messy. smiles

Litsewen: *nods and gives ada a big hug*

Maglor: Good thing Lit's here to take care of you. *also smiles* Maybe she'll tuck you in and read you a bedtime story, too.

Ecthelion: *hugs her tight* Oh, that'll be very nice.

Maglor: Well, it is nearly that time. Will you go change ada into his pyjamas, Lit?

Litsewen: *shakes her head, hiding her face against ada's neck*

Ecthelion: *chuckles* How about you get in pajamas, Lit?

Litsewen: *nods, taking her doll and brush to put away first*

Maglor: *leans in to whisper to Lio* I'll go pour us some wine, if you get her to bed? I want to talk to you about something.

Ecthelion: *nods* Sure.

Maglor: Good. *kisses his nose and goes to pick up her daughter for a hug and a few kisses on her cheeks* Sleep well, little princess. Ada will get you all tucked in and cozy.

Litsewen: *smiles and gives nana a big hug and kiss*

Ecthelion: *helps Lit pick out pajamas and get into them*

Litsewen: *very good for ada, but also sneaks lots of hugs and kisses*

Ecthelion: *doesn't mind that ONE bit*

Maglor: *heads to the kitchen, looking for one of her better bottles of wine*

Litsewen: *loves ada lots and lots like that, thinks bedtime with ada is the best*

Ecthelion: *reads her several stories, hugging and kissing and cuddling*

Litsewen: *trying to stay awake through all of it, but starts drifting off*

Ecthelion: *gives her one last kiss, and tucks her in and turns out the light* Night, sweetheart.

Maglor: *pouring out wine for her and Lio, lost in thought*

Ecthelion: *heads off to find Maglor*

Maglor: *sets down the bottle and sips from her glass, her free hand moving to play with something in her pocket*

Ecthelion: *sits next to her* Hey, baby. *picks up his glass and kisses her lightly*

Maglor: Hey. *light smile, leaning against him* I take it she went down alright?

Ecthelion: *sips his wine* Went down fine....

Maglor: *nods* Good. Umn... Would you be able to take her tomorrow?

Ecthelion: Take her... Oh. You want to do the switch tomorrow?

Maglor: If you don't mind?

Ecthelion: *shakes his head* No, I said I would do it.

Maglor: I don't want to inconvenience you. I know I'm being selfish.

Ecthelion: *strokes her cheek* You said you needed to do this. It's important. I understand.

Maglor: *takes his hand in hers and brings it to her lips to kiss it* Thank you.

Ecthelion: *shrugs* I love you.

Maglor: I sometimes wonder if love is big enough of a word for it. You give me so much. *kisses softly*

Ecthelion: Kana.... I want you to be happy with me. If you need to do this to be happy, then it's what I want.

Maglor: *tilts her head, not sure she's quite understanding* I *am* happy with you. It's me I'm not happy with.

Ecthelion: Okay. *sips his wine* You said before that you needed to do this to be with me.

Maglor: I do. I need to sort myself out, to stop worrying that... that I don't deserve you.

Ecthelion: *frowns* I.... don't know what to say to that.

Maglor: Nothing. *shakes her head* Just know I do love you.

Ecthelion: *sighs* I wish you knew that I did.

Maglor: I do. I just... *tries to figure out how to explain, sighs* I'm afraid.

Ecthelion: Of what, baby?

Maglor: Disappointing you, failing you, fucking up... losing you. Somehow, something's going to go wrong and I know it'll be my fault.

Ecthelion: Kana. Things go wrong all the time. It's not.... the end of anything.

Maglor: It can be.

Ecthelion: *shrugs* If you're already determined that it will be, then there's nothing I can do, is there? I mean, I can tell you over and over that I love you, that I'm here for the long haul, but if you're convinced that you're going to fuck it up somehow, drive me away.... *sighs* Well. Again, I don't know what to say.

Maglor: *quietly, near tears though she's trying to hide it* I don't want to. Lio, I can't. That's why I need this.

Ecthelion: *strokes her cheek again* Baby, I just don't want you to.... fulfill this self*defeating prophecy. Because I know that's how you think. Spend the day as a man, that's fine. But being determined you're going to fuck up and ruin things for us? Not fine.

Maglor: I'm sorry. I want to fix it.

Ecthelion: Have a little faith in us, baby. Have a little faith in yourself. *kisses her lightly* I do.

Maglor: *nuzzles against him* I'll try.

Ecthelion: Okay.

Maglor: It's hard for me. I'm not really certain of anything anymore. My world has changed so drastically these past months, this year.

Ecthelion: *nods* I know. But have I given you any reason to doubt me?

Maglor: No. You're every bit as solid as I am shaky.

Ecthelion: *kisses her* Just remember, there's two of us in this relationship. I'm here for you, but you have to let me help you.

Maglor: Let me find myself, then you can fix me. Who am I? What am I? *takes the vial of potion out of her pocket, where she's had it* I'm not even sure if I'm a man or a woman anymore.

Ecthelion: *sits back* I'm not trying to FIX you.

Maglor: I am. I'm trying to fix me. I want to trust you completely, not just 'as much as I can'. I want to give you all of me and not just the parts I don't think will scare you.

Ecthelion: Is there anything I can do to make you stop treating me like a child?

Maglor: I honestly don't know. *looks at her hands* You deserve someone who loves you better than I can, who treats you better. But I'm not going to let you go, so I guess that means I need to be better. *looks up into his eyes* Actually, I've known for a long time that I haven't been the person I was or can be, but saw little reason to do anything about it before.

Ecthelion: *nods, listening* Okay. See if this potion makes you feel any better.

Maglor: I'm half hoping it does nothing more than change my shape. *rises, touches Lio's cheek* It would mean Russa was right. And that I do need help. And love. ...should I take it now or wait until morning?

Ecthelion: How long does it take effect?

Maglor: 24 hours, Glor said.

Ecthelion: But does it take effect immediately?

Maglor: Oh. I don't know. I didn't think to ask. Probably. His... other potions do.

Ecthelion: *nods* Take it in the morning then. After I leave with Lit. So we don't have to explain.

Maglor: Okay. If she asks why I'm not around for the evening... maybe tell her I'm visiting one of my brothers and won't be home until late? *hates lying to her, but*

Ecthelion: *nods, understands; doesn't want to lie to her either, but doesn't want to confuse and upset her over this*

Maglor: I might visit Russa, anyway. *slowly sits in Lio's lap* But only him. No one else needs to know.

Ecthelion: *wryly* I suspect they'll know if they see you....

Maglor: I don't plan to be seen. *rests against him* I will wear a hood and blend into the background, but mostly I will avoid people.

Ecthelion: Sounds like a good plan.

Maglor: This will be our little secret.

Ecthelion: *nods* Okay.

Maglor: *small smile* Thank you for putting up with me, Ecthelion. I know I'm a trial even for those who do love me.

Ecthelion: *strokes her hair back from her face* I love you, Kana. I WANT to put up with you. But I also want you to treat me as an equal in this relationship. Can you at least.... try?

Maglor: *nods, nuzzling his hand* I'll try.

Ecthelion: Okay. We'll talk about that more when tomorrow is over. Maybe we should go to bed now? You've got a big day ahead of you.

Maglor: I'm excited and terrified. I honestly don't know what to expect.

Ecthelion: *shakes his head* I can't even imagine!

Maglor: Maybe I'll be able to explain it after tomorrow.

Ecthelion: *kisses* I look forward to hearing about it.

Maglor: *kisses back* Right now, I look forward to curling up in your arms for the night.

Ecthelion: *stands up with her in his arms* Let's go to bed then.

Maglor: Yes. That would be very nice. *shifts to put an arm around him and lead them into the bedroom*

After last night's chat with Lio, I feel much better about my decision. So I took the potion first thing this morning, as soon as he and Lit went out for the day. I asked for a horse at the stables and have been out riding most of today, as much so I wouldn't have to see anyone as to not be seen.

Being in my old body... it's like coming home, almost, but... hmmn...