Is it me?

Mar. 31st, 2009 12:50 pm
calm_soul: (pensive)
[personal profile] calm_soul
I've been thinking. A dangerous pastime, I know, but I've been mulling over my last conversation with Russa. I need to fight all this rage that's been controlling me so that I can be myself again. Man or woman, I am still Kanafinwe Makalaure.

We, Lio and I, went to see adar and bring Gaiala her things back.

Maglor: Lio? *looks for him* Can you help me with something?

Ecthelion: Sure, what can I do?

Maglor: Come to ada's with me.

Ecthelion: *slight pause* Why do you want to do that?

Maglor: I need to speak to him. *annoyed sigh* Even if I don't want to. And we should probably give Gaiala her stuff.

Ecthelion: We can do that.... but you're not going to hurt her.

Maglor: Would I be bringing her her possessions if I wanted to hurt her? *looks a little hurt herself at that*

Ecthelion: I am just making sure.

Maglor: I may be angry, but she's been given her punishment. I'll release my aggression otherwise.

Ecthelion: *nods* Okay. *goes to pack up Gai's things*

Maglor: *goes to help* I... do you think we should give her the poisonous plants back? Or just the others?

Ecthelion: *smiles a little* Let's leave those here and get rid of them ourselves, okay?

Maglor: Yes. *nods and kisses his cheek* While we're there, we should talk to ada to get his approval for marriage, too. Hopefully. I'm not sure if I can speak to him civilly, yet.

Ecthelion: We can do that, yes.

Maglor: Good. We should get going, if we have everything.

Ecthelion: Yes, I think we're all set. *hefts the boxes filled with plants*

Maglor: Are you okay with that? *starts leading the way* I can take one.

Ecthelion: No, I'm fine. *follows her* Where's Lit?

Maglor: Glor took her for the day so I could get some work done. Should we pick her up on the way?

Ecthelion: Let's get her on the way home.

Maglor: Okay. *deep breath* Don't let me yell at ada.

Ecthelion: *arches an eyebrow* I won't.

Maglor: *small nod, goes to knock at the door*

Gaiala: *answers*

Ecthelion: *peers around the boxes* Hi.

Maglor: [Child. We have your things. Is my father here, too?]

Gaiala: *deer in the headlights look*

Feanor: *calls out* [Who is it, Gaiala?]

Ecthelion: Can we come in?

Gaiala: *steps aside quickly* [It's your daughter!]

Maglor: *to her father* Lio's with me! We've brought Gaiala's belongings.

Feanor: Well. Bring them in.

Gaiala: *sort of flees behind Feanor, but watching Lio*

Ecthelion: Where should we put these things?

Maglor: [Do you have a room? Show Lio where you want your stuff.]

Gaiala: [Follow me.] *gestures at Lio*

Ecthelion: *goes with her*

Gaiala: ...I sorry. *once they're out of earshot of Maglor and Feanor*

Ecthelion: *puts the boxes down on her bed and turns and looks at her* I know, honey.

Gaiala: *getting teary* You hate?

Ecthelion: No, I don't. *sighs* I wish.... things had been different though.

Gaiala: Me too

Maglor: So... *slow breath out as she finds herself alone with her father*

Feanor: *eyes her warily* So.

Maglor: ...what are your plans for the girl?

Feanor: I'm letting her stay here with me.

Maglor: And if Lio wants her back?

Feanor: ....does he?

Maglor: Probably. I'm not ready to let her back in my house yet, though. I have a child to worry about.

Feanor: Then we don't have to worry about it, do we?

Maglor: *nods, pursing her lips*

Feanor: *softly* She's my responsibility. I've claimed her life. I'll care for her.

Maglor: *just as softly* Just don't get yourself killed, adar. I've already had to watch you die once. I'd like to believe that murderers can change, but... *shakes her head*

Feanor: I have to believe we can.

Maglor: I guess we'll see.

Feanor: We will

Gaiala: *setting up the plants* Is almost done. You want speak Feanor?

Ecthelion: Yes, I think so. *pauses* Are you okay? Is he treating you well?

Gaiala: Yes. Is very kind. I scared at first, but he treat better than I deserve.

Ecthelion: *pats her shoulder* I'm glad to hear that, Gai. I've been worried.

Gaiala: I was no trying to get out of punishment. *frowns* Would have accept punishment.

Ecthelion: I know. But I'm glad you didn't have to be punished.

Gaiala: ...I no coward.

Ecthelion: I didn't think you were, honey.

Gaiala: ... *grabs onto him and hugs tightly*

Ecthelion: *hugs* It's okay.

Gaiala: ...we should go back out.

Ecthelion: *smiles* Good idea.

Gaiala: *lets go reluctantly and steps out of her room*

Ecthelion: *follows her out*

Maglor: *looks up as they rejoin them* [Did we forget anything?]

Gaiala: [Some of my lilies, but they wouldn't have sprouted yet. The pots that seemed empty would have been them]

Maglor: [I'll make Lio bring them over for you another time.] *looks to him* [You'd like that, wouldn't you?]

Ecthelion: I would.

Maglor: *pauses, realizing he's answered in Sindarin* I'm sorry, you don't speak Telerin, do you? Remind me I should teach you.

Ecthelion: Maybe some day.

Maglor: Right. *small smile, and speaks softly to Lio* Do we still want to ask about... the other thing?

Ecthelion: Sure.

Feanor: *is actually not deaf* What other thing?

Maglor: Er. *blushes a bit and reaches for Lio's hand, feeling suddenly shy* Well.

Ecthelion: Kana and I are getting married.

Feanor: *glances between the two of them* Well. That's .... unexpected but welcome news.

Maglor: I know we don't strictly need it, but I wanted your blessing before making it official.

Feanor: *gravely* Are you happy, child? Is this what you want?

Maglor: It is, adar. I am. *meets Feanor's eyes* Lio deserves better than me, but I know there's no one better than him in all the world.

Ecthelion: *sighs*

Feanor: *glances at Lio* Well, if it's what you want, you have my blessings.

Maglor: Thank you, ada. I will... attempt... to be as accepting of your choices. *questioning look at Lio, but decides it can wait*

Feanor: *nods stiffly* I thank you for that.

Maglor: And I'll have Lio bring Lit to visit you when he brings Gai's plants. You don't mind, do you honey?

Ecthelion: No, not at all. She'd like to see her Grandada.

Feanor: And I'd like to see her too.

Maglor: *nod* We should go, then.

Ecthelion: *nods* Goodbye, Feanor. *waves to Gai* Bye.

Gaiala: *little wave*

Maglor: Adar. Gaiala. [Be good for my father and I'll be good to you.] *smiles and takes Lio's arm* Come, my love.

Gaiala: ... *holds onto Feanor's arm*

Ecthelion: *nods and goes with her*

Feanor: *pats Gai's arm* That went well. Enough.

Gaiala: [It... was good to see Lio.]

Feanor: [I think he was glad to see you.]

Gaiala: *happy look*

Feanor: [And it was nice to see my daughter without her threatening to kill anyone.] *wry grin*

Gaiala: [I was so afraid! But she didn't try to hurt me at all.] o.o

Feanor: [Maybe she's trying to change too.]

That went much better than I thought it might. Biting down my anger seems to be the key idea, but now I have so much of it left to deal with on my own. Perhaps I should go find someone to swing a sword at for a while?

And I still want my day as a man, again. I've been putting it off since things have been so stressful for Lio, but it's something I really want to do for myself. I need to. I wonder if anyone could understand that?